My beautiful wife Mr. Spock.
Listening to: Cemetery Drive - MCR
This is going to be just a general life update in which I vent out some feelings. See I figured I might as well kick off this personal
blog strong by talking about mental illness on the first entry(/s).
Long story short, I have been going through a very rough patch lately. This was my first year at university and it was a MASSIVE change for me. I had to move out of my parents' house, socialize in a new environment and deal with the school workload on top of that. Throughout the whole thing I was also taking driving lessons, but thankfully I managed to get my licence before things really went down (Yay!!!!). The thing is that my brain really really hates changes. I know it's beacuse I'm neurodivergent and there isn't much I can do about it, but it's still really frustrating how much any sort of change stresses me out. So I was already stressed, and I ended up really overworking myself when exams came about, and then my OCD got bad again. And now I'm totally burnt out and I can barely do anything. So I am failing classes and there isn't really much I can do about it. It really sucks because when you have been a gifted kid all your life, and everyone always expected you to perform well in school, it's hard to be charitable with yourself when you aren't doing well. When people find out I'm currently struggling in school they are usually genuinely surprised, it's almost like they consider it "out of character" for me. And I don't really blame them, but I'm really tired of them asking why it's happening and having to reply with a generic "health reasons" because mental health awareness here is completely non-existant.
On the bright side, I have a psychiatrist appointment coming up and I'll be hopefully prescribed meds. I have been on meds before and it was really helpful, so I hope it's going to make things at least a little bit better. So at the moment I'm kinda just waiting and trying to keep my mood in decent shape in the meantime. And my action plan for keeping my mood in check is binging comfort media.
So I have been rewatching Star Trek TOS, and gushing about it to people at any chance i get. I'm really looking foward to making a shrine for it to be honest, but I have decided that I'll work on shrines only once the core features of the website are all finished. Working on this website has been really helpful for my mental health, actually. It's demanding enough to keep me enaged but also easy enough that I can do it even when I don't have that much energy. It was a bit dauanting at first, becuase I had not touched HTML nor CSS in many years and I never really worked on a full website, but I got the hang of it very quckly. Coding is very relaxing for me, almost comforting if I have to be honest. Hm, maybe I'll make a whole entry on that eventually.
So yeah.. that's about it. As a once man once said: "This too shall pass but like holy fuck."
